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Protestant Pizza

From Tom Hull

Serves: 2-3


  • 1 box Chef Boy-ar-dee Pizza Mix
  • 3/4 lb. hamburger (lean ground round)
  • 1/2 onion, chopped (optional)
  • 1/2 green bell pepper, chopped (optional)
  • salt, black pepper, oregano
  • Velveeta


  1. Fry hamburger, onion and/or pepper, until well done. Season to taste with salt, pepper, oregano.
  2. Make pizza dough according to package instructions. Stretch out on greased pizza pan, making sure edges stand high.
  3. Spread pizza sauce from mix on top of pizza.
  4. Spread topping over sauce.
  5. Cover with sliced Velveeta.
  6. Top with grated cheese from mix.
  7. Bake at 450F for 15 minutes. The Velveeta should be thoroughly melted and at least partly splotched with burnt spots. Remove from oven, and let cool 3-5 minutes.


  • This was a dish that I made with some frequency as a teenager at home -- just about the only thing I ever cooked, and definitely the only thing I ever experimented with. It was a big hit.
  • I have two pans (one round, the other an oblong grill with a high lip that nicely holds a double mix) which I've always used for this dish. They were hand-crafted by my Uncle Clagg, and are treasures.
  • The name comes from Phil Eder, a scathing put-down, which started an insurrection that forced me to top a second pie with mozzarella. IMHO, the latter was a tasteless mess, but ever since then it's been impossible for me to think of pizza without the incident coming to mind.
  • Of course, the topping can be varied immensely, but the distinguishing characteristics are hamburger + Velveeta. Most likely, Velveeta was scientifically formulated to go with hamburger. (I doubt that I'd like it on sausage or pepperoni any more than Phil would.)

Keywords: American, Pizza.